About Me

[-Name-] Jack Hoff

[-Date-]  Sure, why not. Just as long as you're paying because I have no money

[-Sex-] Yes please.

[-Age-] Ain't nothing but a number

[-Virgin?-] Well, it depends on how you look at it.

][-What is your favorite...][

[-Card Game-]  Strip Poker

[-Pizza Toppings-] Long spicy sausage

[-Music Group-] All the Backstreet Boys are hot.

[-TV Show-] Don't really watch tv

[-Store-]  Suzy's Adult Video

[-Smell-] Beats me

[-Zoo Animal-] I think gorillas are hot.

[-Pearl/Boba Drink-] Who the hell drinks these things. They taste like ass... not that I've ever eaten anyones ass lately... i mean.... next question.

[-Beer/Hard Liquor-] Just plain old beer for me. No need none of that fancy liquor to get my wad off.

[-Mixed Drink-] Only fags drink mixed drinks... I'll have a Margarita

[-Nut.. as in peanut you sicko!-] I got a nut for ya!!!

[-Chocolate Bar-] Not into doing anything with the Hershey Highway.

[-Simpsons Character-] Mr. Smithers

[-Day of the Week-] Any day that ends in "Y" because those are the days that I rub one out.

[-Useless Holiday-] They're all useless!!!

[-Website-] Too many porn sites to mention.

[-I LOVE-] to masturbate.

[-I HATE-] having to stop masturbating because my penis is raw.

[-I ENVY-] no one.

[-I MISS-] my masturbatig session earlier today. Now I have to jerk off an extra time to catch up with the daily quota.

[-I WONDER-] why no one wants to help me rub one out.

[-I SMELL-] like I need a shower after that last session.

[-I SEE-] what I see.

[ Magical Brownies] \\ [ Spiked Punch]  Niether, I'd rather masturbate.

[ Doritos] \\ [ Pringles] Niether, I'd rather masturbate.

[ Three-Some] \\ [ Orgy] Niether, Id rather masturbate.

[ Monsters Inc.] \\ [ Toy Story] I'd rather masturbate to Monsters Inc

[ Smoker] \\ [ Non-Smoker]  Who cares as long as they masturbate.

[ Boobs] \\ [Ass] I can shoot on both.

[ Eyes] \\ [ Smile] I can shoot on both too.

[ Motorcycle] \\ [ Car] I'd rather masturbate in a car. Bike doesn't seem private enough.

[ Pillow] \\ [ Blanket] I shoot on both.

[ Ja-Rule] \\ [ 50 Cent] I shoot on both.

What is the BEST thing to do WHILE...

[-Drunk-] masturbate

[-High-] masturbate

[-Naked-] masturbate

[-Sick-] masturbate

[-Showering-] masturbate

[-Bleeding-] masturbate

[-Upset-] masturbate

[-Crying-] masturbate

[-Sleepy-] masturbate

[-Sitting-] masturbate

[-Swimming-] masturbate in the pool

[-Frustrated-] masturbate

What Is The Last...

[-Song You Sang-] All By Myself

[-Thing You Said Out Loud-] OOooooHHH YeeeAAAhhhhh....

[-Movie You Saw-] Porn Palace

[-3 Digits Of Your Number-] 452

[-Thing You Put In Your Mouth-] Do you really want to know??

[-Thing You Sat On-] A chair and masturbated

[-Thing You Turned On/Off-] My vibrator... ummmm.... nevermind

Have You Ever...

[-Played Strip Poker (or Strip Anything) and Lost ALL Your Clothing-] Hells yes. Then I masturbated on the cards.

[-Yakked on Someone-] What the hell does "yakked" mean??

[-Been To the Emergency Room-] Yes, after that embarassing bathroom incidnet.

[-Walked in on Your Parents-] Yup, then I masturbated on them.

[-Gotten Suspended or Expelled From School-] Yes, for masturbating in the back of the classroom.

[-Had Sex With Other People In the Room-] Do hands count?? If so, then yes.

[-Had A Near Death Experience-] Yes, I masturabated so many times in one day that I thought I was going to die of exhaustion.

[-Pulled The Fire Alarm at School-] Yeah, so I could clear everyone out and masturbate in the halls.

[-Saved Someones Life-] No, I masturbate alone.

[-Mooned/Flashed Someone-] Of course.

[-Gotten Lost for More Than 1/2 Hour-] Yes, too much jerkin off can cause you to go blind. And i can barely see sh*t as it is.

[-Been Buried in the Sand-] No, I hate sand. It chafes.

Who is...

[-An Alcoholic-] A person who drinks too much. 

[-The Most Laggiest-] Laggiest??

[-The Messiest-] I can be when I shoot all over the place.

[-The Clean FREAK-] Don't look at me.

[-Most Well Dressed-] Who cares, I just picture everyone naked when I'm masterbating anyway.

[-The Worst Driver-] Depends, I don't drive to well when I've only got one hand on the wheel and the other down my pants.

[-The One Person Who NEVER Knows What Is Going ON-] I say again, who cares??

[-Quietest-] Not me, I'm a screamer.

[-Loudest-] Me!!!!

[-Funniest-] George Bush

[-Most Materialistic-] Beats me. 

[-Humble-] Who cares.

[-Friendliest-] The people that work at the video store. They are always so nice and throw in extra lube for me when I buy stuff.

[-Most Fun To Be Around-] I don't need anyone to have fun, I can do it myself.

[-Most Likely to be Married Three Times-] Who cares

[-The Worst Singer Youfve Heard-]Garth Brooks

[-The Biggest Chain Smoker-] I don't know but I got something you can smoke!!

[-The Biggest Flirt-] I'd have to say Palmella is a bigger flirt over Hanna

[-The Biggest Money Spender-] Me, I will be the porn king of the Hawaiian Islands!!!

[-The Genius-] You don't need brains, all you need is a hot body.

[-Most Talkative-] I hate talkers.

[-Bravest-] I'm pretty brave. I try new things everyone once in a while. There was this one time when I had a piece of balsa wood, bananas, 3 cheese graters, and a bily goat. But we won't get into that right now.

[-Evil-Minded-] Dr. Evil

[-Curious-] Curious George

[-The One Who's Captured Your Heart-]  Oh God!!! How F*cking sick is this question?